Author Archives: Single in the City

~ Dating black women

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Why do guys like to date black women?  More to the point, why do guys love to date black women?  Can this question be answered without being racist or stereotypical in some kind of way?  That’s a tough question.  Because everything today seems so politically correct.  People can be so sensitive.  There are cultural habits or customs with different races that, like it or not, define that race.  Asian women are another group that are defined in a way that infuriates some people.  Trust me, in this dating work world in which I live, I have seen it all and I have heard it all.  Sometimes I just want to give up when it comes to defining people.  For every black lady who will agree with an opinion, another may get pretty mad.  Generally, those who complain might be more sensitive, or even feminist.  Go look, google it.  You will find that those black or Asian women who complain about some things that others think or say, and really without malice, are very vocal.  Usually those who protest are those we hear.  People who are not unhappy, or are happy, stay quiet.  That’s with anything.

So having said all that, I will preface my answer to the above question as to why there are guys who love dating black women with the caveat that these are opinions.  I have heard these views and I must say I have had them with my own dating.  Because at one point for a couple years, I would only date black women and I am a white guy.  Therefore if there is anyone out there who objects, I respect your opinion.  I mean no disrespect or harm.  These are just thoughts and at least for me, those I dated told me they were OK with my feelings as to why I was attracted to them.  And now the two reasons I have had, in no particular order.

Looks.  I think African American women, and black women all over the world are beautiful.  And yes, I mean for now on the outside.  Maybe it’s because as a white person, I am attracted to something that is so different than me in appearance.  Maybe it’s that I find them more exotic looking than many others.  And so what?  It’s a compliment.  Their appearance of being darker than me attracts me to them, period.  People are attracted at first by looks, that’s just the way it is.  Some may like blonde women because of their hair, or tall women because of their legs.  Women may like men because of their muscles or butt, or facial hair or lack of facial hair.  Is that bigoted?

Attitude.  And this includes confidence.  In my experience, black women have a lot of confidence and a great attitude.  About themselves and what they do and feel.  They are happier and more accepting of their looks, and when even a not so attractive girl has an air of confidence it makes that person attractive, I think.  In the same way if a very beautiful girl acts miserably to me, I find that person unattractive, even physically.

Now you know how I and other guys feel.  So guys, if you want to date a black lady, and I don’t blame you at all you now know, we have some great sites we have reviewed in which you may be interested.  One is BlackTryst.com.  It’s a great hook up site.  Looking for a less wild free black dating site?  Then consider MrandMissBlack.com.  By the way, you can find a relationship on BlackTryst.com and a hook up on MrandMissBlack.com.  Enjoy!!

~ Humiliation and joy

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(Because I personally am not into BDSM, I asked a lady from one of the sites we reviewed here to write about an experience she had.  I figure who would be better than the type of person to whom many who seek a BDSM relationship is attracted.  So, without further ado, a short story by Donna.)

I am a submissive.  I have a Master and he tells me what to do.  I call him Sir when addressing him.  What might be unusual to some of you who may not know is that unlike typical male/female relationships where closeness and love really have to do with both partners being together in the same town or area, Dominant/submissive relationships can be as intense as any vanilla (non-fetish) liaison, or even more so, from long distance.  Now I know some of you will say that there are many very good long distance normal relationships, and there are, and that’s fine.  But eventually the partners will want to meet and be together.  Both partners can be in a long distant BDSM relationship with never any intent or desire to ever meet the other person.

I am in New York and my Master is in California.  Last week he sent me a birthday gift.  I was told to call him as soon as it arrived.  It was tracked so when I knew it was almost at my house, I left work to be there when it came.  It did and I immediately called Master; not doing so would invite punishment.  He told me I could not open the box until I got naked, and I had to do so slowly telling him every move I made as I undressed.  He then told me to lie down on my bed and put the still unopened box on my belly.  He then commanded me to open the box.  In it were two things, an object to use for sexual pleasure and a digital camera.  He had me put the camera on the bed and hold the object.  Then he told me to close my eyes and think of him with me, alternately punishing and rewarding.  Master was on the speaker phone, and he directed me.  He would shout and speak softly.  I could not open my eyes.  And I had to act out with sighs and cries what was being done to me in his and my imagination.  My whole body was involved.  Master had me take picture after picture of what I was doing.

I was told I could not be too explicit here so I will just say that for the next hour I did as was directed by Master.  It had to do with doing things to myself, some for very short lengths of time, some longer.  I did a couple things I never had done before, and when I objected to one, Master yelled at me and I had to be punished.  I was, me doing what he wanted to cause myself pain.  All the while I took pictures as was directed.  Then I was told to do something that made me hesitate.  Master told me to upload all the pics to my computer and then send them to several other Masters he knew.  He had sent me an email with their email addresses.  When I hesitated and questioned Master, I earned another punishment.  So I did what he wanted.  I uploaded the pictures and sent them to 12 men I didn’t know.  I felt humiliation, happiness and gratitude.  The humiliation was obvious.  But I was happy I did what Master wanted and was grateful he cared so much about me to love me this way.  I may never meet Master but I hope we always are together.  What a wonderful birthday I had.  Thank you, Master.

(So there you have it.  Thank you, Donna.  We have reviewed some great BDSM sites here.  One of the very good ones is BondageDating.com.  Find your partner there.  Punish or be punished, or both as a top or a bottom, as long as you are happy.)

~ Lena, thank you

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When I was getting my graduate degree, yes, I do have a graduate degree, I am ejamakated, lol, there was this incredibly beautiful Chinese girl in my class.  Because I knew the topic of the class pretty well, I would hold library study sessions with a few people, including the girl.  Now I did not know at the time she thought anything of me except for being the smart guy, at least with economics.  Her name was Lena, well, that was what she wanted people to call her.  She had a Chinese name but didn’t go by it.  Lena was from Taiwan getting her master’s degree, and was fairly quiet but had a good sense of humor.  She must have, because she laughed at my jokes.  🙂  Lena was very quiet, and she seemed very shy.  Now I am not trying to say she was any stereotype of a submissive Asian girl, hell, I didn’t even know what that was then.  I am just saying she was quiet and shy.  And nice.  She was always very nice and polite.  I am remembering more as I type this, lol.

After our finals, a bunch of us students including Lena went to a local watering hole to drown our grade worries in some liquefied relief.  If I remember correctly, and I didn’t remember everything that night, lol, there were 7 of us and we drank pretty heavily.  I didn’t so much but enough to make me happier school was over.  Done, finito.  A degree if we didn’t flunk.  That last day was one of 4 finals, and studying for it was crazy.  An all-nighter for many, and then the exams.  So all of us were thrilled to death it was over, at least for that semester and we were only too glad to be out of school and down the block at the Tavern.  The Tavern was this sort of run down, dingy kind of place, with old wall paper and tables but we loved it.  I miss that damn place.  They had great food, cheap too.  Watered the drinks down a bit but still, it was an institution and I think anyone who would go there probably belonged in an institution!

We first had beers, all of us, including the 3 girls, Lena too.  One girl, damn I can’t remember her name, just that she was blonde, kind of big and tall and had the strangest glasses, said she didn’t drink but she knocked that beer down in a hurry.  Maybe it was the post-test giddiness.  Other people from another school nearby came in to have fun and after a bit it was pretty rowdy in the Tavern.  We started drinking more of course.  And that was when the weirdest thing happened.  Lena asked me if she could talk to me.  I said sure, so we went to a dark corner of the place.  It was dark anyway but there the light bulb had been out and that part of the bar, with a booth there was super dark.  I mean you couldn’t see a few inches in front of you.

I sat down on the wall side of the booth and Lena sat down next to me.  Without warning, she put her hand on my crotch and started well, messing around there!  I was shocked.  But at the same time, I was glad so I immediately decided to not do what as an idiot high school and college guy I did, which was to object, or to say, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  Lena said, “Hey, don’t worry, I am not drunk, I want this.”  Who was I to object.  We started kissing and Lena undid my jeans and her head went into my lap and well, what can I say?  Unfortunately, she left 2 days later to go back to Taiwan.  I wish I had tried to keep in touch, but I think that was how she wanted things.  Shy Lena acting not so shy and then disappearing into my dreams.  And me in hers as well, I hope.

I can’t tell you that if you join a free dating site like FindAAsianLover.com or AsiaFriendFinder.com you will get your own Lena.  But you very well might.  Those two sites do deliver, I know, trust me.  Hey, you may want to have a meaningful relationship and that’s OK too.  Whatever you seek from dating a beautiful Asian lady, please check either or both sites.  You can thank me later.  🙂

~ Transexual dating

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The first time I was introduced to a transsexual was just after I moved to Los Angeles, when I saw one in Hollywood.  I didn’t know what to make of it.  And I must admit I was thinking, boy, this is weird.  I never had the hate some had, and the hate some still do, but I was just not sure what was going on and if it was OK.  See, I come from a very religious background, but I basically rebelled when I went off to college, not liking the stringency and the judgments.  I do want to say that my parents were not terribly judgmental, but those who ran the parochial school where I went, and several who taught there, were very judgmental.  And I didn’t like it.  I didn’t appreciate the holier-than-thou atmosphere and hypocrisy, and when I was on my own, it was over for me.

One thing that is so important to me, and you know this if you have been reading my blog articles, is that people should be happy.  I don’t care who you are or who you love, you deserve happiness.  Maybe the reason why, or part of the reason why, is because for much of my life I have not been happy myself.  I grew up in such a difficult environment and didn’t have the pleasure others had.  And it bothered me.  And I also saw the injustices against people simply because of what they were or chose to be.  If we do not accept discrimination against minorities or others, how can we not accept it for anyone?

I am happy to say that almost in the same breath as when society speaks of gays and lesbians and their rights, bisexuals and transexuals are also mentioned, the LGBT mantra.  And that is a good thing.  Gays and lesbians whether they mean to or not, are leading the way for others, transsexuals, transgender, she males and crossdressers.  What was once a fetish only is now seen as a lifestyle, and although transsexuals, transgender, shemales and crossdressers are still only seen as a fetish or not normal by some, slowly but surely, acknowledgment and recognition is not far off.  And this is true for transgender women and men.

When deciding to make this website, a number of us were discussing the sites we would analyze.  It was easily decided that we would review different ethnic and niche sites aside from the normal, “vanilla” sites.  I am happy to say that when transexuals and those related to that niche was proposed, there was not even a moment hesitation about TS dating sites.  So we searched and found and reviewed TS personals sites that we thought would be representative of the niche.  There are many out there but we limited ourselves to the ones we felt would be helpful and yes, fun.  If you are within the niche or you wish to find someone within it, never feel any different than anyone else who seeks love or pleasure.

The TS related dating sites we reviewed and listed, not just for transsexual dating within the niche, but for all free adult dating, are TSdating.com , FindaShemaleLover.com, SingleTransexuals.com and CrossDressing.com.  A couple may not be perfect, but inside these four sites there is something for anyone looking for anything related. Good luck to trans men and trans women and those who seek them.

~ Now what do I do?

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So you find your lady on one of the sites here.  Then what?  If it’s a simple hook up, you know what to do.  You do, don’t you?  Do you really need me to tell you how to do that?  Just be aggressive and make plans to meet and then do your thing, lol.  But what about a date with someone that may end as a hookup but is at least at the start, a typical date.  And it may just be that typical date leading to a relationship.  So you found each other and you want to meet.  Now what?

Do you go to a movie?  Dinner?  Horseback riding?  The library?  What do you do now?  I have heard these questions a lot.  Hell, I have had the same and asked the same.  Here is my take on it.  It depends, lol.  Now, now, that is not a copout.  It really depends.  If the two of you hit it off over notes, emails or texts or over the phone, you will have already have discussed it and you know what each of you wants or likes to do.  Or if you have hit it off and not discussed it, you will know what to do.  Make it a surprise, that will be nice.

If you have really great conversations and get along super well, after whatever you do, a movie, miniature golf, bowling, whatever, offer a choice of dinner.  Either a restaurant, one that you know and are prepared to take her, or offer to make a meal for her at your place.  If things work, well then things may go to a room other than the kitchen and dining room when the meal is done.  If you eat at a restaurant, then take it from there.  Everything depends on whether you both are enjoying yourselves with your conversation.  Both of you may want to just get the hell away from each other, lol.  If that is the case, then do it.  Better to end things sooner rather than later.

What to talk about.  When you start the conversations, if you don’t already have similar interests to chat about, then you need to delve into it.  On the free dating sites we list, when you make your profile, even if you don’t check off or identify the interests you have and those you hope your partner has, you can note it on your essay questions.  I know this sounds obvious, but you would be surprised at how many people just don’t fill out their profiles even though they actively seek someone on the dating sites, or they fill things out very sparingly.  And I wonder about people who answer the essay questions by writing, “Will get to this later,” but then don’t understand why they can’t attract someone to them.  So the more you reveal, even with your pictures – have several and use some that are unique and could generate interest, the better chance you will have in not just meeting someone online and then off, but you will have something to say.  And then so will she.  All it takes is a little more effort and then everything will fall into place.  And if after what you consider was sufficient and things still don’t seem right, then move on.  There are many women out there and you will find one for you.  Or more than one.  You will.

Go here for our top sites covering all niches, from mild normal dating to wild and kinky, and good luck.

~ Better with age

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What is it about older women?  I mean what is it about how great they are.  Now don’t freak on me.  I am not asking you young ones to start dating 85 year old women, unless that is your thing of course.  Who am I to get in the way of any kind of true love?  I am talking about older men looking for older women and yes, younger men looking for women older than themselves.  Maybe a few years or maybe more, to the point that these ladies are seen on a seniors dating website.

Before I continue, let me make this perfectly clear.  Older men and women, seniors, actually, wait for it, don’t get weird,  actually have sex!  Yes, that’s right.  And why not?  Aside from the fact that just like anyone else, they don’t want to be lonely and want to share their lives with someone, either for an hour or for years and years, seniors enjoy sex just like someone in their 20’s.  Now maybe some do it less, and I think many do it more, but however many times they do it, they do it.  People have desires.  When I was in college my Sex Ed professor showed us the most explicit film I had seen to that point in my life and hell I was a horny college kid!  It was wild!  Two senior citizens doing the kinds of things I had dreamed about, lol.  And I learned a lot!

It is true that many older people might put more stock in companionship than a simple hook up, but guess what?  They hook up too, lol.  Older men and older women.  Older men and younger women.  Older women and younger men.  And let me tell you a secret.  When you join any senior dating site listed here, you will find people of all ages on the sites.  Most are seniors yes, but there are many men and women younger than you think looking around and they are real.  The senior sites are for older men and women who are looking for a partner, and that’s good, but there are 30 year old girls looking for an older guy and 30 year old men looking for an older women as well.

Look, I am not trying to get younger people who want a hook up to use the senior dating sites.  The goal of the senior site is first, to give seniors their own personals sites that they can join and enjoy.  I want those who are alone or not happy to find happiness.  I want them to find others their own age, those they can understand and to whom they can relate.  Relate life experiences and pursue dreams that they may have.  There are two excellent seniors dating sites here and other good ones.  You can read the reviews and choose.  But let me tell you about the two we thought were the best.  The first is MatureHookupDating.com.  The next is MatureLoverSearch.com.  If you want a nice companion for the rest of your life, you can find that on any of the seniors sites.  If you want a simple hook up, you can find it on those sites, or our hookup sites.  If you want very open-minded ladies, you can find them on all our sites.  If you are alone, find someone.  You deserve that.

~ Lonely wives want you

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Yesterday, I told you about Tom and NaughtyMatch.com.  Tom had a great time with some hookup, no strings attached, ladies and one of those was a married women.  I can tell you that the lady is also on LonelyWifeHookup.com.  She is one of many ladies who are married who are not getting what they want at home. You can call her a MILF or cougar if you want.  Now I have been criticized by some for advocating the sexual cheating, I call it freedom, of married women.  We can get into the morality of it all, but if we are going to be worried about morality the lines can be drawn anywhere.  How about no sex at all outside of marriage?  No gay love?  No masturbation, even?  So come on, please don’t lecture me about morality, especially when so many act holier-than-thou act in ways that are so contrary to any semblance of morality.  People in glass houses and all that.  But enough of that.

As you know by now, I truly feel people should be happy.  It was no fluke that our founding fathers declared that we as a people were deserving of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, or doing something criminal, do what you can to be happy.  There is way too much misery in the world.  You see it each day, and in each person’s own world, there may very well be misery.  So when one has a chance, just friggin’ be happy.  And you know if that translates to crazy meaningless wild sex with some woman who has her own misery because of a bad marriage, so be it.  She deserves happiness as well, don’t you think?

OK, so where am I going with this?  I am touting a site that delivers.  The women are hot and they show it with hot and hotter pictures.  Why do they do this?  Because many of them are free to fool around because they are in open marriages, and many of them who may not be in open marriages at least want the freedom to give their lives some joy.  You out there are what they seek.  They want to screw someone’s brains out.  They may not getting it at home.  Or perhaps they are not getting enough at home.  Or perhaps they are and just want variety.  Or maybe they are on a mission to make guys who want to be with a married women have their dream come true.

After all, married women are experienced, they know what they want sexually, and if you find one who wants that with you, then you are damn lucky.  Join LonelyWifeHookup.com and you may very well find a wife or MILF who wants to please you as you please her.  She will be grateful and you will be satisfied and vice versa.  And who knows, it may turn into more than a hook up and may be many hook ups.  Go have fun with one or with many.  They are looking for you as you are looking for them.  Just be smart about things and make a good profile.  That always helps.  And be nice.  That will definitely help.  If you don’t want to be nice you can see our BDSM sites that we recommend, but that’s a different story for a different blog column.  🙂

~ Tom and NaughtyMatch

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Yesterday, we got an email from a very grateful hook up site user who signed up for and had been using NaughtyMatch.com.  It did not get a 5-star review here because of the ads that were on the pages.  But 4 out of  5 ain’t bad and the guy chose that site and he swore by it.  He wrote that it was our review that convinced him to join the site and that in less than a month’s time without a whole heck of a lot of effort, he had several great hookups.  He loved NaughtyMatch!  Because he left his phone number, I gave him a call.

Tom (not his name, but he sounded like a Tom, lol) answered the phone and I introduced myself.  We went through some nice formalities including the fact that his father had gone to the same college I had, but many years earlier, of course.  So I asked Tom to tell me all the juicy stuff, and not to worry about using graphic language.  I won’t use the same but I wanted to know all the details.  I mean, the guy seemed so happy in that email.  So why not?  I really wanted to know and I like when there is someone who takes our advice and has something good to say.  As you may expect, companies will only hear complaints when things aren’t going well, and although I can’t remember the last time I got any complaint, it is nice when someone has something positive to say because even the happiest and most satisfied customer rarely contacts a company to praise it and thank someone.

OK, so what did Tom have to say?  He told me about his last date first.  He said the girl was gorgeous and he didn’t think he had a shot because of her looks.  He felt she was way out of his league.  But she liked his profile and sense of humor and she made it a point to say she was down-to-earth and low-key.  She just wanted to have a good time with a nice guy, looks be damned, who shared her kinks.  So after they chatted a few times, they hooked up and Tom tells me it was pretty wild time.  They have another date next week, but date really isn’t the word, because there is no dating with what they are doing, lol.

Tom then told me about his other hookups.  One wasn’t so great but there was action, so it was something.  The others were pretty good he said.  One lady was not perfect in body but was married and wanted to have done to her what her husband wouldn’t do.  He said he enjoyed that immensely, and hopes to get together with her again.  There were a couple just so-so dates meaning nothing kinky, but still good times.  So we chatted for a while, Tom was very happy and grateful and he told me to tell you all to join NaughtyMatch.com.  So do it!  🙂

~ High school idiots, sheesh

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When I was in high school, I was a bit awkward when it comes to the ladies, I mentioned that before.  But there was a group of guys in my school who called themselves the Hoserheads or Hosers, because they spent most of their free and not-free time looking to have sex with as many girls as they could.  And there were plenty of willing partners, or so I have heard, lol.  And the school heard plenty, rumors and other things about girls who gave it up.  Sometimes it wasn’t true, but hey this was high school.  There were the usual boyfriend/girlfriend things, dating, breakups, etc., but also the one-night or one-day hookups.  But then we didn’t call it that.

Just before winter break, it blew up in the Hosers’ faces however, when they went a bit too far.  There were 6 members of the group, all seniors, and they made a wager with each other as to who could get the most girls in one night during break.  Classy, right?  Not everyone knew about what was planned, but I found out because my best friend’s brother was one of the Hosers.  Anyway, one of the morons decided to limit himself to the more homely of the high school girls figuring they would only be too grateful to have themselves deflowered by some cool jock.  Not so much, lol.

One girl, Rhonda  didn’t take the bait and allow herself to be used and abused.   She called around and found out what the guys were planning on doing.  One of the Hosers’ older sister in college found out from another girl there whose brother bragged about something to someone and she found out.  I think the first rule of something that should be kept secret is to keep it secret, right?  So with Rhonda calling around and what had been bragged it was all figured out.

Anyway, Rhonda told her parents and they called the police and well, all hell broke loose as you might expect.  They quickly rounded up the Hosers and took them to the station.  Their  parents had to be there and to make matters worse they had the school principal and his two assistants show as well.  I wasn’t there of course, but I could imagine the craziness.  Luckily, for the Hosers, very much so, none of them were arrested.  None of them had been with any girls to that point in the wager, and so, none of them were charged with anything or were arrested.  All of them were suspended from school, however.  Oh well.

Just thought I would relay this story.  I was reminded of it when I heard about another such wager after I was talking to a few guys about what I do.  So, boys and girls, those of the proper age only, wanna play?  Wanna hook up?  There are ways for you to do it legally and nicely.  I hope I haven’t put a damper on anything but please see all the hook up sites I have reviewed here.  Be nice and have a good time!

~ Lila

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I have written about black women before.  Doubtless I will do it a lot.  It is because I love black women.  I had a black girlfriend some years ago, Lila.  I must admit she was a bit difficult to handle.  And not because she was black.  She was just a lot Type A.  And being a Type A myself, the mixture was at times explosive, lol.  When it was good it was good, when it was bad, boy was it bad.

Here is an example of the good.  Her body.  I loved it.  She had a medium frame, no fat really, and well, without getting graphic, I found parts of her wonderful.  I couldn’t get enough of her physically.  Also, even though we came from very different cultures, she was always quite interested in mine.  I was interested in hers but it wasn’t so important to her.  She admired my background and would always love family-oriented things and anything religious that would go on.  She made a point to help my family prepare things for different occasions and couldn’t have been more accepting of things until she knew me she had no idea about.  When we dated, she was a lot of fun.  She had a big laugh and it was infectious.  She liked my sense of humor and my personality.  Hey, not everyone does.  Also, she liked when I helped her with things such as budgeting and taxes, etc.

Now the bad and the ugly.  Lila was not an alcoholic but when we went to clubs she liked to drink and when she drank she sometimes couldn’t stop and a couple times it got downright ugly.  One time in a club north of LA, she got drunk and was so belligerent she wouldn’t listen to anyone, let alone me.  I didn’t know she had gotten so inebriated because she went off with a couple girlfriends and they dared her to do shots and well, she did.  Plenty.  I tried calming things as she got angry at something, I don’t even remember, and I couldn’t help her actually getting thrown out of the club.  She was so out of control that they club called the police and she was arrested!  I couldn’t get her out of there to make sure that wouldn’t happen.  It was nuts!  We had a big fight about it, and that was one of the reasons we broke up.

Also, she liked to argue about everything.  It became tiring.  And she would accuse me of not doing this or that for her.  Sigh.  The relationship was just too explosive.  The physical was not enough for a long-term dating prospect.  I couldn’t take that.  So we broke up after about 8 months.  I am surprised it lasted that long.  But please don’t let this story dissuade you from dating a black woman.  I still do, but because I am not looking for anything serious or long-term I go that route.  You can too.  Check out BlackTryst.com.  The ladies there are hot and hungry for fun.  The site will wear you out.  Want a long-term, take it slower thing?  Go here, MrandMissBlack.com.  There you will find your lovely for life.